I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
