Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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