Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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