I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
