Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
They took my balls.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
