Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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