There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
