I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
