Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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