SEEEEXXX PLEASE
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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