what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
