Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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