My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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