i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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