he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
