Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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