break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
