Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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