I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
