So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Randomize
