We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
