Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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