I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
