Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
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