my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
