Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
