Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
