When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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