why didn't you poke me back
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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