So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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