Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
