I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have so many feelings about this burrito
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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