All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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