I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
