Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
