So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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