Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
