you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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