You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize