dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
