am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
