When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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