You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
