I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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