And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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