Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize