pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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