remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
