I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
