Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize