So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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