you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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