i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
