I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
