even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
