there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
