Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
