you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
