he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
