You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
