mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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