dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
