i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
