K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
