She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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