Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
