Can i not drive my cunt home
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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