ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
