I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize