I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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