If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize