Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
