I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
